“If you lay down on a burrito for long enough it’ll crack open and Raphael Trujillo will come out.”
Kyle and Bames talk Sonic and autism. Blue is the fastest color. Em calls in to talk about her vagina again. Em wants to smooch every serial killer, and Bames wants to smooch every rapper. Britton calls in, and Em gets bored and leaves to get new legs. Bames gets butt-punched, and the Better Bames Initiative is born.
“I’m talkin’ about your sweet sweet faith.”
Jcat is here and he’s Lord of the Ringsing! Jcat hates other boys and worships Drop Dead Fred. Kyle hangs up on Jcat for being boring, and Zex calls in to talk cryptids. Tech dorks love the Occulus Rift, but Facebook not so much. Suey Park is retarded, better cancel TV! Let’s enact the labor to kill all the white men! MY LIVED EXPERIENCE! Hymen things start happening, and Kyle still wants his dad to S his D. The new TMNT movie is gonna be soooooo gooooood!
“Do you ever find yourself grabbing a dog by two of its legs and pulling until it comes apart, and then wondering why people are upset?”
Bames is back and he’s starting a Pod War! Mindy calls in to talk trucking, MMOs, and Angelmen. Flenis calls in too I guess. Mindy diagnoses Kyle’s sociopathy, and everyone takes a berg test. Kyle and Mindy are dating now. Steam game of the week! An autistic boy melts our hearts with his song. Kyle can relate. Jay “Fucking” Pavlina shat the Kickstarter bed. A molested boy calls in, and a Steam Punk sings about giraffes or something. A different autistic boy makes a friend, despite being an obvious piece of shit that society rightfully hates. Bames wants to buy a game about making a bear eat berries. Bames impressions. Hashtag Cancel Colbert.
“Terrorists don’t like stuff?”
Krafty Matt is here, and Lukster calls in with a list of apologies. Kyle has driven away many a listener, and the boys have a chat about familial relationships. Pedofiles are defended, and Kyle thinks he’s a star. The conversation inevitably turns to jerking dicks. Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes is a garbage game for trash people. Girls hate being called names so much they refuse to design buildings or make laws. Groups r dum.
“You married Krang!”
Fraser and Bames are here, and Fraser has the voice of an angel! Kyle has been jamming games! No, for real this time! Bames has been Dark Souls-ing, and Metroid can’t crawl. Sean Ryan liked it, so he put a mood ring on it. What a dope! Fraser wants to bone a guinea pig. Hashtag RapeIsNoJoke. Lukster calls in about rape guns, and KJSisco is still blind. Gun to your head, which Monstar would you bang? Fraser still wants to bone a guinea pig. Bames asks a dumb question and leaves in a huff. Krafty Matt’s dead dad makes everyone giggle, and Matt doesn’t care if we all burn.
“How’s the weather?”
There’s a big celeb in town this week! Patrick Melton from Everybody Hates Chris is on the line to talk about drinkin’, datin’, and girls gettin’ raped by their dads. It’s tough to have friends, and Kyle’s a real big piece of shit! Podcasts have gotten weird, and Bitcorns are gettin’ super wacky. Common sense has left the building, and this show is the perfect therapy.
“‘Cause you’re fat!”
Tonight Bames will be the one eating a turtley stew! Nick Searcy hates fatties, and Capcpom is not making enough gal games. It gets real deep real fast, guys. It’s Brak History Brunch, everybody!! Matt has a heart-to heart with our very own flenis about #lent, and flappy bird is for flappy NERDS. Glitches are cool, and Metroid Prime is NOT!!!
“You could have a mermaid dad that’s like a long-distance dad.”
Kyle killed a whole family of dads! Everyone’s gettin’ old, and Kyle played a melon game. Backlash calls in to talk about doing meth and voodoo. Sarah <3s the show, and one man’s skeleton is another man’s treasure. Purple babies are so hot, and Vanilla Ice is the coolest. Mall cops hate goggles, and poopman saves the day.
“Bames, how many dreamcatchers do you own?”
Happy Valentine’s Day! Kyle got some cool boots, and women love Draculas on their underwear. Nigerians are eatin’ up some heads, and Bames had a bad time watching porn with his friend. Em loves touchin kid bodies, and dogs are retarded. Kyle is a math retard, and Britton has the magic pipes. Bames is a goddamn child, and legos are pretty cool!
“Tails Doll. Tails Doll. Tails Doll.”
Bames is sober, and Kyle had no website! Wow! George Zimmerman is gonna lose his mind, up in here, up in here. Meanwhile, it’s BLACK HISTORY MONTH!!! Ice T cannot understand fiction, and Sonic is back in blue-arms. Flenis fell of his quad bike, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is died. Japanese Beethoven is a phony, and McGruff really was a crime dog I guess. Everyone’s playing Euro Rape Simulator 2014, and dickgirls are not our type. Flappy Bird sucks a flappy weiner, and Mighty No. 9 is getting ahead of itself. Kyle hates Metal Gear, what a dweeb! Video games really suck, y’know. Robots are cool.