You’re done for!
My Boyfriend’s Back
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Now, that weird voice mail wasn’t me (I could never get my voice that high) but I’m kinda surprised you guys didn’t get that it was someone trying to do that annoying assed pterodactyl noise. C’mon, you spend 45 minutes talking about pterodactyls last week! :p
On the subject of the 2nd voice mail, you guys know my background and credentials when it comes to sexual reproduction stuff, and I must say, you guys hit the nail on the head there (is that a bad phrase to use on this subject?). I mean, the foreskin is like, a SHIELD against stimulation. I’ve talked to some girls who like uncircumcised packages… but that’s very rare. Cut it the general preference.
(Ok, I was writing about how it’d be like a flap over your mouth… then Kyle started talking about that exact thing… GREAT MINDS, KYLE!)
Whatever that voicemail thing was, it scared the shit out of me. When the episode went up it was late at night here (like 2 am) and I was still awake, so I thought I’d listen to it until I got tired enough to sleep. Hearing that whilst I was in bed and all the lights were off was pretty fucking scary. Though I agree with P. Shoe that it was probably someone trying to communicate with you in Pterodactylese.
Also: I would totally buy a ‘bitchflap’ pterodactyl shirt.
Expect lots of anthrax, especially you orion.
And the bitchflap pterodactyl idea is the best.
k i just watched the video.
I have a huge boner.
The green one at :07 is hilarious. Seriously, this is bullshit, the dance is shite and they just look retarded. And why can girls be all cheering and stuff, and be like “omg they so adorables!!!!!!!” and that be totally fine, but once a man is like “omg luk they adorable” he becomes a pedo?
I have a friend in his late twenties who told me he wasn’t circumcised. I was surprised. After talking to him I found out he thought circumcised meant uncut, which amazed me. How’d he get through, like, junior high health class?
Aldi used lube with me.
That scary voicemail is scary as hell. I hope never to hear it again.
I like the Bitchflap idea. I laughed as hard at Bitchflap as I have at almost anything else on the show.
I imagine it’s possible that with our heads permanently out in the world the sensitive part might become desensitized through contact with things. I don’t have any real knowledge on the subject though. I’ve never even seen one, but when I try to imagine it all I get is an image of that giant tortoise from The Neverending Story. Then the tortoise sneezes all over Atreyu’s face.
Just watched Boyfriends back video, REAL Fucked up
Also, Glad I could make your day Orion. I started at episode 1 and have been playing catch up ever since Just caught up yesterday so will be listening weekly from now on and will try to comment regularly and call in from time to time when I got somethin’ to tell ya. J.O.ed is somethin’ me and a few of my buddies came up with to go along with the whole stupid ass text lingo shit in 8th grade, feel free to use it free of charge.
Kid at my school is uncircumcised, had gym class with him, saw it in the showers it’s fuckin’ scary it’s just damn wierd lookin’, scarred sor life
for life, sorry
someone please make these post things editable, it’s horrible having to type a new message, I feel dirty every time I do it ;_;
Sure, that could work. Here’s a thought, though: you could try reading your post over before you hit “submit”. I don’t mind typos, but don’t blame the website for your typing ability. Silly Englishman.
It’s more being able to add things onto what I already typed than fixing stuff. And I’m too lazy to read my posts over.
Screw that for two reasons. For one, if you went back and edited old comments when you wanted to say more stuff people would be less likely to notice. Secondly, all of the extra comments make us look more popular. Internet fame, here I come!
Fuck.
I’ll thwart your internet fame sometime kyle!
This episode was full of awesome musical talents. Well, scratch that. Not all of it was awesome. But it was all entertaining. “YOU’RE DONE FOR!!!” and “I shot a man in weno… just to watch him diiie” had me absolutely cracking up. I had my boyfriend Dane listen to it, he said it wasn’t that funny, but I saw him smile and chuckle so he’s a liar, methinks!
I’ve got bad news for you, Marlycake…your boyfriend is a homosexual. Better to find out now than to get married and catch him watching Kathy Griffin stand-up.
Dear John: My boyfriend is so totally not a homosexual. That’s just wishful thinking on your part!
Go Watch “Penn & Tellers Bullshit” Season 3 Episode 1, it’s on circumcision… and worth a watch. and boo the fuck hoo if you don’t like the way other men’s dicks look like… its natural… and if some chick tells you that she wont fuck you cause the way your dick looks, then tell her it organic and good for her.
speaking of natural, people with retarded children the just sit in a wheelchair and make noises while drooling like a pro need to look a what nature does with its waste… kills it or leaves it to die, if the thing is brain dead and cant even enjoy sex, tv or music then put it out to pasture, thats the natural thing to do. i don’t understand why people waste money and time trying to care for an adult that is less functional than a newborn.
i know that sounds harsh, but brain-dead vegetables are a waste of space… but so long as the brain is functional enough, then keep them alive.
look at Stephen Hawking… dead body… Great Brain… he’s a keeper
Dear Marlykins,
I know.
Dear John,
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Now that you’ve admitted you wish my boyfriend was homosexual, you can start getting over it. But I’m not quite sure what the twelve steps to this sort of recovery would be. In any case, at least you’ve got step one covered.
Wishing you the best of luck in your recovery process,
Marlykins
I think it’s
2. Apologizing to people this has hurt
3. Trying not to think of your boyfriend while watching gay porn
4. Unicorns
5. Tying a yellow ribbon around penis for no less than 14 days
6. Having threesome that doesn’t involve another man
7. Reducing tiime spent in tanning salons
8. Eating more oatmeal
9. Destroying any owned copies of Rent soundtrack
10. Remembering that hats are for cats, and mittens for kittens
11. Not receiving oral sex while reading newspaper
12. Taking down Home Alone 2 poster
Dear John,
I’ll make sure to form a ~prayer group~ for you, wherein we will pray to the almighty Jeebus asking him for a good recovery of yours. Pray the gay away! If that doesn’t work, we’ll just send you to a gay-to-straight camp. Like Exeter International: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aslXZeg6-L4
In Jeebus’s love,
Marlykins
Here’s hoping there aren’t any attractive guys at that gay-to-straight camp of yours. Otherwise I might earn a demerit badge in bone-boning.
“Save me, Jebus!”
–Homer Simpson
Hey guys, got the IJHATT stickers you sent! THANKS A QUADBILLION! Time for vigilante advertising!
Dear Kylorion, you are late in posting a new episode. I hope no one died or was seriously injured in the events that lead to this delay. Consistency, folks, consistency!
Sincerely,
Waiting in New York City
Yeah, there have been some… technical difficulties. All will be explained, but the show might not be out until Monday. We are sorry for the delay, but the show isn’t dead or anything.
And by technical difficulties you mean someone puked on the hardware and it fizzled out or Aldi finally body slammed Onion on the whole apparatus…either way, looking forward to the next installation ((with explanation) what alliteration!))
Er, I left you a 10 minute voicemail by total accident. My phone was in my pocket and it called you. I have no idea what it will be, it might be guitar playing or it might just be shitty talking. Apologies if it’s shite.
Puppies
Technical difficulties. Harr harr harr. I just wanted to say “thanks guys” for waiting patiently for the new episode. I’d send you all free t-shirts if I had the cash, but unfortunately I spend most of my money on means of survival — and that includes a minimal budget for drugs, alcohol, and rock’n'roll. Thank Jebus the sex is free!
The new show should be up soon.
Your “secret” lover,
Orion